I am terribly sorry that I've bumped my own thread four times, now, but here's the weird part.
So, in the past, I'd already switched my drives to AHCI; no difference when on RAID.
HOWEVER...
On a stroke of luck, while thumbing through content-farm results, I found this.
The user in question, Sellis, not only embodies my hatred of 'just install windows bro losing all your setup is only a month's progress you can play games bro' guys, they MIGHT have found a solution.
But thing is, I never, never in a million years would've thought of it. Quoting...
In essence, I was being asked to switch from specific drivers to generic drivers, something you should in theory rarely if ever do. Right?
But I was desperate, no one cares, no one helps. I figured I'd try anything... And...
Well, take a look at this:

Running five times as long, with SIGNIFICANTLY better results. So far, no awful audio distortions.
However, I'm pretty concerned that it's still not as good as it could be, and I don't want to declare it solved until I get rid of the audio buzzing for certain, and preferably the crashes, too.
My goal at the moment is to leave latmon running for... A week? Is a week a goodly amount of time?
Or until the next crash, at least.
Now, I just need to figure out a way to remove all the windows bloat context menu program open suggestions other then painstakingly editing the registry, ahaha, life is awful...
Anyway, so long as it's not a problem, I want to continue updating this - even if it's at odd intervals - in the chance I help someone else with similar issues.
Please let me know if I'm breaking some hidden rule! I still can't find the edit button, sorry!